Sunday, November 27, 2022

What It Was Really Like Living With Three Under Three?

Truth be told having three kids under three hasn’t been as tough as I anticipated, like we do have days where I hide in the corner rocking backing back and forth till Joe walks in the door, but most days I come out on top, laughing at them, as if to say in your face, I’ve won that round. They craic me up each and every one of them. Today I share the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about having three under three.

One Poo, Two Poo, Three Poo, Four…

I live a life of nappy, bottle, nappy, boob, nappy, ‘WILL YEH GET OFF YOU SISTER!’. Christ almighty my kids can shit. They are shit machines. They just poo and poo and poo. I think they just do it to rip the piss out of me. I’ve no sooner changed one and there’s another doing the business. I change no less than six shits a day. What has my life become?

Are They All Yours?

‘Yes, and I have another, she’s in school’. I find nothing more amusing when people stop us, the reactions do be hilarious. The facial expressions, the dropping jaws, the ‘sure your only a baby yourself’. This one day I told some woman who went a bit over the top that I was expecting again. Oh her face, it was priceless. I have three under three, and what?

You Have To Be On The Ball…

There’s no switching off, there’s someone somewhere doing something they shouldn’t. Just this morning as I was emptying the dishwasher some gobshite (me) left the stair gate opened and my two darlings decided to have a field day. There was one in the bath washing his toes and another with her hands down the toilet.

All For One, One For All…

If one cries they all cry. If one screams they all scream. If one gets sick, THEY ALL GET SICK. If one wakes up they all wake-up.

Someone Is Always Hungry!

Or hangry. I’ve no sooner finished boobing the baby and put her down when the toddler decides he wants lunch. I feed him. I offer lunch to the wobbler, but she refuses. Then the big kid comes in and she wants food too. Oh and then the wobbler decides she’d like her lunch again and by the time I’ve cleaned up guess who wakes up…

Shopping…

Do not try this with three under three. I repeat do not try this with three under three. I now know the meaning of food shopping feeling like a day at the spa, shopping is either done online or when all the babogs go to bed.

Naptime…

Ah, naptime my dear friend. How are you doing? Lads, my three under three all nap and some days they all nap together like yesterday WHEN I GOT AN HOURS KIP ON THE SOFA WITH THE LITTLEST. A little slice of heaven. Long may it last.

There Was An Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe…

With toddlers and wobblers come nursery rhymes, counting, and phonics. I’m trying to teach the toddler to count to five the past year. We are currently at ‘two, four, two’. He has me tormented. One day daddy will come home and I will have actually thought him something worth celebrating. Unfortunately hoovering is not gonna get him into Harvard.

Whatever Your Name Is…

Who even owns all these kids? There are so many of them. There are too many names remember. I call Kadie-Kenzie and Kayla-Kadie. Even if I do call them by their actual name they don’t listen to me anyways. Why oh why did I name three kids with the letter K.

They Love Each Other, Really…

If the toddler is not bouncing on the wobbler, the wobbler is bouncing on the baby, literally. The baby may only be two months old but she is terrified of the wobbler.

T.E.R.R.I.F.I.E.D

Night Night Sleep Tight Don’t Let The Bed Bugs Bite…

Now all my kids are great sleepers so I shouldn’t really be complaining BUT see the boy, he has us tormented the past few weeks, he thinks bedtime is a game. He’s up and down the stairs like a yo-yo. He’s in the shower washing his hair. He’s doing tumbles on our bed. He’s up and down the bunks. He’s in the cot with his sister have the lols. Oh and before you say get stairs gates WE HAVE TWO. One night he strolled down the stairs, walked straight past us into the kitchen to refill his own bottle of milk. This kid does not give a rat. I’m just waiting for the wobbler to join in on his crimes. Monkey see monkey do.

They Are Great At Sharing…

‘No that’s mine’.
‘No my’.
‘Noooh that’s mine’.
Calm down lads, it’s mine. I bloody paid for it. They share NOTHING, ever. Everything is mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Yes, all of this and the littlest is nine months old AND ATTEMPTING TO WALK! The next few years are gonna be fun.

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