The teenage years can be an emotionally turbulent time. As a parent or foster carer, you want to support your teen’s mental health and make sure they are doing okay. However, teens need privacy and autonomy. Prying or being overbearing can backfire, damaging trust and communication. This article explores gentle, effective ways to check in on your teen’s mental wellbeing without coming across as intrusive.
Read more:
- How to Take Control: Simple Steps to Improve Your Mental Health
- Mindfulness Practices in Mental Health Therapy
Give Teens Their Own Space
For foster teens especially, having privacy and a space of their own is crucial. Set aside a private bedroom or area just for them. You can use some of your foster care allowance to make it their own. Avoid going into their space without permission. Knock before entering and don’t go through their belongings. Respect when they want time alone. This gives teens security and control, supporting mental health.
Create Opportunities for Communication
Don’t rely solely on directly asking “are you okay?”. Teens often don’t want to discuss feelings openly. Instead, create regular opportunities for casual communication. For example, offer to drive them places and chat during the journey. Go for walks together. Share an activity like baking. The key is low-pressure quality time together. This way, if they do want to open up, the opportunity is there. But there’s no interrogation.
Look Out for Warning Signs
Keep an eye out for any behaviours that seem out of character; for example, a usually sociable teen spending much more time alone, a drop in academic grades, changes in sleep or eating patterns, or loss of interest in hobbies. Don’t overreact, but gently check in if you notice anything concerning. Say you’ve noticed they seem a bit down and you’re there if they want to talk.
Pick Up on Emotional Cues
Tune into your teen’s emotional cues during everyday interactions. Notice their facial expressions, tone of voice, body language and mood. Respond supportively to signs of distress. For example, “You seem frustrated, do you want to take a break and go for a walk?” Teens will open up when they feel ready, but your empathy sends the message you’re paying attention and there for them.
Keep Communication Open and Non-Judgemental
If your teen does want to talk, listen without judgement, alarm or overreacting. Don’t interrupt or offer unsolicited advice. Reflect back what you hear them saying and ask gentle questions if you need clarification. Avoid interrogating with lots of “why” questions. Make it a safe space for them to air feelings and thoughts. Reassure them you take their needs seriously.
Offer Support, Not Control
Well-meaning parents sometimes try to take control of their teen’s problems, which can feel belittling. Instead, suggest ways you can support them. For example, “I’m here whenever you need to talk. Would it help if we looked into counselling?” Encourage independence but also reassure your teens that you’re available for backup.
Keep Communication Open with Teachers
With your teen’s permission, discreetly keep school teachers updated on any major issues impacting mental health or academics. That way teachers can provide extra support. Make sure to maintain confidentiality and only share necessary information.
Monitor Social Media Use
Social media can enable bullying and unhealthy comparisons. Set reasonable limits around phone/internet use. For example, no phones at mealtimes or after a certain time in the evening. Discuss balancing online and offline time. Suggest activities away from screens. Also, take an interest in who they interact with online. This shows you care about their wellbeing.
Look After Your Own Mental Health
Caring for a teen can be stressful. Make sure you also prioritise your mental wellbeing, through self-care activities and having your own support network. Teens are very perceptive – if you seem worn down, they may not want to burden you further. Modelling healthy ways to handle stress gives them tools for looking after themselves.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you have persisting concerns about a teen’s mental health, especially if they mention any suicidal thoughts, seek professional support. Speak to your GP for advice and referrals. In a crisis, call the emergency services. With early intervention and your support, teens have the best chance of getting back on track.
Checking in on a teen without prying requires finesse. Provide a safe space, share quality time, watch for warning signs and keep communication open. Offer help but allow autonomy. With your empathetic support, teens can thrive through the ups and downs of adolescence.
