I know I’ve been lacking over here on the blog the past couple of months. There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes. From chicken pox, viral bugs, starting preschool, stressing over finances to teething. Last week I teamed up with Marks and Spencer again, I know lucky me. I had a post ready whilst I waited for the images from the beautiful Vanessa Robinson to come through but then I saw the them and they brought me to tears, the ugly kind.
I have four absolutely beautiful children, all hitting different milestones on a weekly basis, growing before my eyes and each with their own emotional and educational needs. But the truth is, I’ve been struggling.
Weeks and weeks of sickness, it’s been non-stop and while I know that’s the ‘joys’ of having children so close in age it draining every last bit of energy from me. The constant needs and wants. Some days they fight like cats. From morning-to-night, they are on a path of destruction and I’m chasing them like a headless chicken wondering where the hell I went wrong. I can’t hear myself think.
I lose my cool. I shout. I cry. I’ve cried louder than the kid’s roars. They look at me like I’ve lost the plot altogether.
I’m riddled with guilt. I’m exhausted with school runs, juggling nap times, the cooking, cleaning and everything in between.
Anxiety creeps in.
I’ve had days where I feel like I’m failing my children. I convince myself they think I’m a shit mammy and all I do is say no, complain and make them clean up.
Then I did this photo shoot for Marks and Spencer and watched as Vanessa took these beautiful pictures of my kids. I watched from the sideline. I watched their faces, the little expressions. I saw them look to me for recognition. I watched as they ran around in circles smiling, laughing and giggling with one another. I saw how happy they really are.
I may feel overwhelmed with motherhood on a daily basis, ridden with guilt that I’m failing them in different aspects of our day but then I see these pictures and their happy little faces and I know deep down that they are happy and I’m doing an awesome job.
I am human, I will make mistakes and I’m still only learning. I love my kids with all my heart and I know they love me too. They are kids, they are going to test me to my limits of despair, they are going to play hangman on my freshly painted walls with a Sharpie but I know they will be smiling and laughing when they do it.
All clothes featured are from Marks and Spencer.
This is a paid collaboration with Marks and Spencer and Shopping Links. Thank you for supporting my blog and the brands that support it too.