I know I’ve been lacking over here on the blog the past couple of months. There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes. From chicken pox, viral bugs, starting preschool, stressing over finances to teething. Last week I teamed up with Marks and Spencer again, I know lucky me. I had a post ready whilst I waited for the images from the beautiful Vanessa Robinson to come through but then I saw the them and they brought me to tears, the ugly kind.

marks and spencer collaboration

I have four absolutely beautiful children, all hitting different milestones on a weekly basis, growing before my eyes and each with their own emotional and educational needs. But the truth is, I’ve been struggling.

marks and spencer collaboration

Weeks and weeks of sickness, it’s been non-stop and while I know that’s the ‘joys’ of having children so close in age it draining every last bit of energy from me. The constant needs and wants. Some days they fight like cats. From morning-to-night, they are on a path of destruction and I’m chasing them like a headless chicken wondering where the hell I went wrong. I can’t hear myself think.

marks and spencer collaboration

I lose my cool. I shout. I cry. I’ve cried louder than the kid’s roars. They look at me like I’ve lost the plot altogether.

I’m riddled with guilt. I’m exhausted with school runs, juggling nap times, the cooking, cleaning and everything in between.

Anxiety creeps in.

I’ve had days where I feel like I’m failing my children. I convince myself they think I’m a shit mammy and all I do is say no, complain and make them clean up.

marks and spencer collaboration

Then I did this photo shoot for Marks and Spencer and watched as Vanessa took these beautiful pictures of my kids. I watched from the sideline. I watched their faces, the little expressions. I saw them look to me for recognition. I watched as they ran around in circles smiling, laughing and giggling with one another. I saw how happy they really are.

marks and spencer collaboration

marks and spencer collaboration

marks and spencer collaboration

I may feel overwhelmed with motherhood on a daily basis, ridden with guilt that I’m failing them in different aspects of our day but then I see these pictures and their happy little faces and I know deep down that they are happy and I’m doing an awesome job.

I am human, I will make mistakes and I’m still only learning. I love my kids with all my heart and I know they love me too. They are kids, they are going to test me to my limits of despair, they are going to play hangman on my freshly painted walls with a Sharpie but I know they will be smiling and laughing when they do it.

All clothes featured are from Marks and Spencer.

This is a paid collaboration with Marks and Spencer and Shopping Links. Thank you for supporting my blog and the brands that support it too. 

14 Comments on Admitting Defeat | A Marks and Spencer Collaboration

  1. This is gorgeous Kellie, you’re a fantastic mum! The kids are having such fun in the photos, they’re always going to have such amazing friendships and support from one another thanks to you having 4 so close together. Kudos to you xx

  2. Very honest account of motherhood , you are not alone and your kids are a credit to you.
    Fab pics and clothes too 🙂

  3. Ah Kellie
    U r one of the best mammys I know . We all second guess but from someone watching on the outside u r friggin amazing :))
    Those kiddies r always happy and smiling and most of all kept busy with days out and teaching them . They give me some of the best bloody chuckles on a daily basis ..
    continue to be the amazing mammy u are xxx

  4. I also have had days like that.. we areny bad mammys but its hard get it right all the time. Your kids look very happy clearly u are doing something right x

  5. I only have two and feel exactly like you. What matters is that we’re good enough, that our kids are happy, and healthy and yet even that is hard to acknowledge most times isn’t it? Your kids really do look happy and I hope the sicknesses are now over and you have a healthy and happy summer.

  6. Such beautiful photos and such a beautiful post. And you’re so right – it’s made me stop and think too. We all worry so much, I feel like I’m failing every single day. Today I’m going to stop and look at the kids and remind myself that they’re okay – thank you for the prompt!

  7. Lovely post. Parenting is hard and this kind of post reminds us that there are others out there muddling through too. Though I don’t think I could write so beautifully!

  8. What a beautiful sentiment. I write through tear filled eyes as I’ve just escaped to my room after losing it with my kids, big style! But things will calm and hopefully I’ll be feeling the same as you, rejoicing in the small things. The photos are beautiful. You can see how happy they are.

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