I’ve two babogs napping, one in school and another mesmerised with PJ Masks. I found it on our Virgin On Demand this morning, we are on episode #4 and I have no plans to turn it off for the next hour, the peace of a Tuesday morning is bliss. I also have a latte by my side, sound posh don’t I? Santa brought me a Nespresso. It fills me with joy. The sound of the coffee ejecting into my glass and the aroma drowns out the noise that is this house. It is heaven.

I don’t even know where to start. I missed last month’s update, I completely forgot if I’m honest. Can I still claim baby brain? Lots has happened. Not a day goes by when something doesn’t ‘happen’. In fact, these days Joe answers the phone to me with a ‘what’s happened now’.

Over the Christmas break, we had a brief encounter with potty training, very brief! In seven hours the toddler managed to piss in six pairs of ‘big boy pants’. And I know I love my cloth nappies but washing toddler poo is a whole different level of vomit. We’ve put it on the long finger for another couple of weeks. Be grand, I’ll plug him in April if he’s not ready for pre-school because he’s going whether he like it or not.

Coughs. 69 days. Coughs.

We had a speech therapy assessment a few weeks before Christmas too, I was worried the toddler was a little behind. Only I could understand his mumbles and I thought he had very few words for his age. Anyways he passed, with flying colours. In fact he was a little advance. He said words I’d never heard him say in all his little life in the room. Made a holy show of me. Now a few short weeks later I cannot shut the child up. Only yesterday he told me in the clearest little voice ‘I not talking to you’. He has completely dropped his nap (insert banshee cries). He’s still bypassing us on the stairs in the evening too. He just strolls down sometimes before you’ve got down the stairs and sits on the sofa, ‘I sit here, I not sleep, OKAY!’.

The Wobbler has come out of her baby shell and she’s probably more mischievous than the Toddler if I’m honest. She doesn’t take no for an answer and loves getting her hands dirty. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the stuff the Toddler gets blamed on was actually her. She’s sneaky. She can hold her own too. The Toddler isn’t good at the aul sharing, what toddler is in fairness but she doesn’t give up. One day whilst making dinner I popped my head in the playroom and there she was, sitting on top of him, she was not giving up till she got her car back. And when she did she laughed. As if to stay you might be bigger but I’m stronger. I’ve even had to get rid of the baby changer, she loves climbing it and reefing all my cloth from the shelves on to the ground and diving from the changer to the sofa, in fact, she finds that hilarious. No fear this one. I’m going to have to keep my eye on her.

The big kid has been begging me to set her up a YouTube channel. She wants to show off her Lego, her Lottie’s and she want’s to do make tutorials WITH MY MAKE-UP! I’ve entertained her with recording a couple of video’s on her iPad and she puts on a ridiculous American accent, I literally cannot keep a straight face when we are watching them back together. It’s gas. And we had some ‘unexpected visitors’ last week, I won’t go into too much detail on here but just think kids, school and bleh! I gut the house, bleached and boiled everything. I had about ten shit fits and I treated myself because naturally, I couldn’t stop itching. Poor, child, gets a free facelift every morning before she leaves the gaf, eyes to be bulging out of her head her hair does be so tight. And while I was picking up the ‘stuff’ in the chemist I was a responsible parent and picked up some Vermox too, you know just in case. ‘Cause my kids pick up EVERYTHING!

The baby is growing before my eyes, I almost want to squish her into a little ball and keep her tiny forever. In the past month, we’ve started weaning, baby led weaning. Yah for another two years on my hands and knee’s picking up food (the dog is on a diet!). I love my life. The recommended weaning age according to the WHO is 6 months but I made an informed decision to start a few weeks early. She was sitting up unaided, showing off her pincher grip skills, practically robbing food from my hand and having mickey fits whenever we ate around her. She’s four weeks in and eating rings around us, whilst they are all small meals she joined in with the others and is eating me out of house and home.

And while I’m talking about food I should mention we are doing a healthy eating challenge with Lidl and Herfamily.ie, basically we get food and activity challenges and Lidl vouchers over the course of five weeks. And there’s been some huge changes in our home on the food front. You’re all well aware I’m a fan of waffles on beans as well as me Domino’s or Curry Van of a Friday night and let’s not forget about white bread and mash. Well since taking part in the challenge I’ve made hearty meals from scratch every day except on two occasions, one where I made a homemade spice bag and made a bollox of the chips. Joe saved the day with a bag of chips from the Chinese and another when we went out for dinner. And I ordered a Caesar salad, go me! I’ll do a separate post during the week about our changes and the challenges itself.

I can proudly say on the 15th, nine days ago I exclusively breastfed Kenzie for SIX MONTHS. I’ve accomplished many things in my life to feel proud of but this hands down is one of my biggest achievements. Seven years ago I was calling the lactation consultant in the Coombe a lactivist and here I am breastfeeding my fourth baby, it feels really awesome if I’m honest! And I’m in the process of donating my excess milk but hey that’s another day’s tale.

The kids are running rings around me the past couple of weeks. Just for the craic like. The other day I made them pancakes, grand, super mum at her finest. You know one of those days when you think you’ve got your shit together. Let’s have pancakes she said, it will be fun she said with a high-pitched Mary Poppins voice. Absolute bollox! I made them, they ate, they threw the leftovers on the ground, grand, nothing new there. I popped them into the spotless clean playroom locked the gate (and tied a plastic bag on it ’cause the toddler can open up the childproof gate!) and proceeded to clean the hell that was my kitchen. It was a disgrace. I put the phone on airplane mode, opened the window and door, blared the radio and scrubbed. Hoping around the kitchen with me rubber gloves dancing to Maniac 2000. That song brings you right back. RIGHT BACK TO BEFORE YOU HAD KIDS. Especially after a good half an hour of deep cleaning, you know wiping maple syrup off the fridge and picking up half chewed mushy pancake. Anyways my darling angels upended the playroom. Literally. Every toy was pulled out across the room, the sofa was dismantled, I shit you not and all the boy could say was it was his one-year-old sister’s fault. It took me two hours to restore it. One of them even chewed a wooden block and I’m 100% sure it wasn’t Tink. She was out the back watching and wailing ’cause I wouldn’t let her in to eat the pancake mush.

Other than spending my life picking up shit, wiping shit, playing catch up with washing, changing on average twenty nappies a day and threatening Joe that one day he’ll come home and I won’t be here – all is grand! I’d love to stay her typing away but I can hear the wobbler calling me, ”nana… nana… m’ere”, yes she calls me nana, she also calls Joe, Jojo, like the others so I don’t feel so left out. ‘Til next month, unless I have a mid-life crisis.

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