Christmas is by far my most favourite time of the year, the crisp frosty mornings, the shopping of course and the little faces on Christmas morning. Oh, I just LOVE everything about it! But as you know things don’t always go to plan… Here’s a list of things you can be guaranteed to happen at Christmas!

  • Every single night on the lead up to Christmas we’ll forget to move that poxy little Elf!
  • You’ll buy a tin or two of Roses but they’ll be gone before Christmas Eve.
  • Or somebody will drive you insane by leaving all their empty wrappers in the tin.
  • Someone will also moan over the shrinking Roses tin. In fairness, it does get smaller ever single year!
  • You start your Christmas shopping super early, back in the summer early just so you can say you are done only to keep buying and buying and BUYING.
  • Someone somewhere is in a panic looking for matching Christmas pajamas for the kids.
  • One kid always ask for the sold out toy for Christmas, you know the one that starts fights at 9am outside Smyths, yeah that one!
  • You spend the 24 days on the lead up to Christmas threatening ‘he’s watching you’ and ‘you don’t want to go on his naughty ist now do you?’.

  • Just as you decide to start peeling vegetables and get the ham into the oven daddy will decide it’s time to start his Christmas shopping AT 4PM ON CHRISTMAS EVE!!! He will never learn.
  • Mrs. Claus, Santa or both will sweat barrels setting up the toys. Resorting to someone on sketch or locking kids bedroom doors and/or sealing doors and windows in wrapping paper.
  • Daddy will decide to put together the toy kitchen, bikes, and anything will a million pieces at a minute past midnight after weeks and weeks of reminding him.
  • Daddy will also consider taking a sledge-hammer to the Ikea kitchen and you will sip your wine and smirk ‘told you so’.
  • You will forget the batteries, bread, and/or milk for Christmas morning. There is also a high chance you will run out of sellotape and wrapping paper too.
  • Someone will get socks and jocks someone else will be highly offended with pajamas ten times too big. I know I like my comforts but jeez!
  • You can be guaranteed at least one of your babogs will have a meltdown before midday.
  • Did you know Christmas and Easter are the only two days a year it is completely acceptable to eat chocolate for breakfast?

PLACES TO VISIT SANTA THIS CHRISTMAS things you can be guaranteed to happen at christmas

  • You have spent €100+ on new toys for the toddler and he/she spends an hour putting the remote control in and out of a box.
  • You can be guaranteed someone will be sick on Christmas day.
  • You log into Facebook and see that half the world got engaged. Congrats and all that but I just want a Mr. Frosty. It’s been 15 years!
  • You spent months preparing for the BIG DAY to look at your home on Christmas night and wonder what all the fuss was about. It’s a pigs sty.
  • Something will be broken. Why oh why would Santa leave broken toys? Damn you Santa! Damn you!
  • Someone will buy your child a craft set full of glitter, glue and thousands of stickers. You will now voodoo doll them. It’s obvious they don’t have kids.
  • The tree will be on it’s last leg all wonky and half the decorations will be chewed to bits, broken or be miscellaneous objects around your home.
  • Your house will be full to the brim with 3 for 2 Boots sets and razors and body washes and hair care crap. That’s just family letting us know subtly to go take a shower. Parenting for the win!
  • There is an adult still devastated Santa didn’t leave a Mr. frosty under the tree again. One day Santa will listen to my cries.

  • You can be guaranteed someone will be monitoring the gravy portions at the dinner table.
  • You will be guaranteed to forget something at the dinner table. Last year it was the stuffing this year it was mushy peas.
  • You will cook 1526353 brussel sprouts and only one person will eat them.
  • Someone will refuse to wear the hat from the cracker. Bah Humbug
  • The craic will be 90 and bellies will be stuffed.
  • Someone gets over competitive playing a board game, there’ll be tears and tantrums all over the shop.
  • You spent so long perfecting Christmas for your smallies and dressing them like Kings and Queens that you forgot to dress yourself. Frantically searches for an unstained t-shirt.
  • And finally, a neighbour or a friend will arrive unannounced with gifts for all the family. You will then search frantically for an unopened bottle of wine or chocolates or anything to return so you don’t look like a right cheap twat.

OH, THE EXCITEMENT! How many things can be guaranteed to happen at Christmas in your house?

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