As much as I would like to think Frankie has calmed down, he’s still as wild as ever. He’s a ball of never-ending energy. As he approaches the big two he has become more independent but he’s also getting frustrated with the auld language barrier. He has a total of 40-50 words but they’re mostly food or Paw Patrol related, banana and Marshall being the two most widely used. If he could put sentences together I’m pretty sure this is what ‘advice’ he’s giving to his toddler friends.

How to play – Run around like a headless chicken. Empty every draw and toy box. Throw items across the room. Find crayons and draw on the walls. Only play with boxes, wipes, toys your siblings want and anything you’re not suppose to. Then play it cool and pretend it wasn’t you.

How to help – Help mammy by pulling all the washing off the clothes horse or radiators. If you are upstairs throw them down it. Chase your mammy when she is hovering and turn it off the every opportunity. Use all the wipes to clean up a dribble. Empty all clothes from draw.

How to get a nappy change – Deny dirty bum. Take a step back. Run. Laugh. Twist. Flip. Kick. Laugh a little more.

How to sleep – Refuse naps on the busiest of days. Sing. Jump. Have a merry auld time. Also don’t wake up when your mammy is waiting to go out.

How to eat – Unless it tastes like sugary treats or yummy crippies refuse all foods. If you’re really hungry eat but leave enough to tip over so you can smudge, mush and throw.

How to drink – Take a sip then pour over tray and splash and clap and splash a little more.

How to be creative – When mammy pulls out the crafty box glue your hands together, paint everywhere but the page and eat the playdough.

How to share – Pah, share. Toddlers rules of possession applies here. If you look at it, it’s yours. If you held it an hour ago, it’s yours. If they’re playing with something and you like it, it’s also yours. We own EVERYTHING.

How to get your own way – Dramatically dive onto the ground and kick and scream but keep an eye on her she might walk off.

How to have a bath – Refuse to get your hair washed. Pull plug at every opportunity. Throw toys from the bath for the laugh and finally have a melt down if they try to remove you.

How to love – Give squeezy cuddles. Give slobberish kisses. Make your mammies heart melt.

0 comment on If Toddlers Could Talk – A ‘How To’ Guide

  1. I remember Emma being like that at 2, getting very frustrated with not being able to talk. And yes, she could have given all that advice herself back then too, lol.

  2. I love that the last ‘rule’ just instantly makes the rest ‘bearable!’ My 17 month old obviously got this advise from someone else! Toddler rationale is hilarious … until you are out in public!

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