We’ve soldiered through many a sickness in this house. We’ve had everything from measles to hand, foot, and mouth. I always saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Then Saturday happened.
I will never forget Saturday for as long as I live.
The kids were like a bag of cats last week. Demons, the lot of them. It was the change in routine, I told myself. It didn’t help that I couldn’t keep them full. So not only were they driving me insane, they ate me out of house and home.
Be grand next week.
Saturday night the three brats were in bed, exhausted after a family Christening. The Big Kid and I were munching away at about 10 pm watching Xfactor on playback. We had lotion in our hair. THE lotion. It was all lovely and cozy and calm – and then BANG. My views on parenting changed forever.
The Toddler let off an almighty yelp. I fell up the stairs trying to get to her as quickly as I possibly could. She was hopping around the bed. No cuddles, no boppy, no num nums, no teddy was soothing her.
She pointed to her bum.
I don’t know how but I just knew. I just knew to get a torch, turn off the light and look at her bum.
SCARRED FOR LIFE.
She had worms. Or should I say I saw worms?
VILE. Absolutely DISGUSTING. FILTHY. EWH.
After a slap in the mouth of the above lotion, a twisted ankle, a panicked ‘GET THE F**K HOME NOW’ call and a neighbour who saved the night with a bottle of Vermox. I googled. I’ve googled before but didn’t get past the second paragraph.
Do you know what happens when you get worms? They camp out IN YOUR INTESTINE and while you sleep the females CRAWLS OUT OF YOUR ARSE AND LAYS EGGS. You scratch your bum and those eggs get under your nails and put your hand to your mouth and the whole process starts over again or you plant them everywhere for other people to eat.
Have you puked yet? ‘Cause I have, easily ten times.
She had all the symptoms, how didn’t I know? But now that I think of it SO DID THE OTHERS.
I have spent the past few days with my nose up kids anus’. I’ve sprayed their butts with the shower hose like it was a gun. I’ve puked. I’ve wanted to die. There were moments I thought I should just burn the house down. I’ve bleached the gaf within an inch of its life. I’ve boiled everything.
They all got them.
So did I.