I originally shared this over on Facebook and Instagram as the week flew away with me but I’ve decided to share it here too, to document it to be able to read back on in years to come. Here is the aftermath of Kadie’s unplanned home birth.
My middle girl celebrated her second birthday today and what a day it has been. We made it extra special for her as she never really had a first birthday having shared her Christening on the same day last year with along with her baby sister. A bouncy castle, an AMAZING Tellytubbies rainbow cake and a traditional trip to the Smyths with just mammy and daddy to pick out one toy of her choice.
Two years ago today I lived my worst nightmare.
Kadie’s unplanned home birth.
Every body says having a baby is the most magical and wonderful experience in the world and for each of my other children, I will agree. It is an out of world experience. For Kadie I wrote a hilarious tale of her hallway birth and I originally ended it with to be continued… But I never did finish it.
Following my birth with Kadie, I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had repeated nightmares. Flashbacks. Panic attacks. We didn’t bond. Some days when she was a little bábóg I did not want her anywhere near me. I did not want to hold her. Some days I literally cried into my phone for Joe to come home from work but never told him the truth why. It makes me so sad to think of those days but it’s all true.
I then suffered terrible anxiety on the lead up to Kenzie’s birth hence why I decided to take control with a planned sweep and by staying in the hospital after it. I remember family telling me to snap out of it. That I was over reacting. A hypochondriac. That I needed to “cop on”. Sure people have home births all the times. I don’t think they ever realized how dangerous my blood condition was in pregnancy. I genuinely thought I was going to bleed out in that hallway regardless of what the paramedics and fire fighters said to me.
But here we are now two years later from that horrifying experience, Kadie’s unplanned home birth. I’m feeling great but only cause I sought help. I told my obstetrician in the Coombe during my pregnancy with Kenzie, I finally spoke to my GP and I confided with the family who would actually listen and support me. I got the help I needed and while it’s been a long rocky road I’ve been able to bond with my daughter, to love every inch of her, to appreciate the small things, to realize when something is wrong YOU NEED TO FIX IT!
Happy Birthday, KK.
My wild child.
I lubb you.