Ah, lads, you now I love the bones of my kids, more so when they are all sleeping soundly in THEIR OWN BEDS but do you know what sometimes kids are just assholes. The Easter holidays have broke me.
The past two days have been filled with tears FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. Whining for this that and the other. He hit me, she hit me. I want that. That’s mine. It’s not fair. They are constantly hungry. Like I cannot for the life of me keep their little bellies full. Maybe they have worms? Ewh!
The one-year-old Houdini and her bloody climbing. It’s driving me up the wall, literally. No fear. She just does not give a toss. I’ve peeled her off more counters that I’ve done potatoes in the past week.
As for the three-year-old. This week I was determined to potty train him. And this morning as I was putting on big boy pants and he just pissed down my bloody arm. Thought it was hilarious too. Like seriously! You couldn’t make this shit up!
Today I did the same load of washing THREE times. The hoover was out four. And I’m pretty sure my bathroom floor is going to cave in with the amount of water I found in it today. Oh and there’s no toothbrushes left, we’re scruffing it tonight because the one-year-old launched them down an unflushed toilet. Lovely.
Like where the hell do they get their energy from? It’s not as if they’ve been sleeping either. Yes, my darling angels, you know the kids I’m always boasting about been good sleepers. They haven’t slept in the past week. Has to be worms. It’s worms, isn’t it?
As for the Big Kid, apparently her bones were loose today and she was hungry x10193736373939 times. Not hungry for a sambo, or a yoghurt or fruit. Hungry for sweets and crap and every time I looked at her, her head was in the press stuffing her face.
I’ve saved poor Tink from the one-year-old who wanted to play horsey. I’ve been handed snots. I found a rabbit ball of poo in the sitting room and picked it up barehanded thinking it was a bleeding mini egg missing its shell.
I let the Big Kid out, actually no I f**ked the Big Kid out the door and she was back in minutes cause it was… wait for it… ‘too airy’. I think she broke the shower today too. I’m currently on my arse in the sitting room and I can hear some strange noises from the shower and few explicit words there now.
I broke up a scrap in the middle of sitting room floor not before checking if I had microwave popcorn first. The one-year-old got her nappy of three times in ten minutes and paraded it around like it was a trophy. She’s actually able to do it with a vest AND leggings on.
Nothing is fair, it’s the world against them. I sit and play and I’m not doing it the right way and then the jealousy kicks in and they all start climbing on top of me. Oh, and I heard the classic line ‘when I’m older I’m going to let my children do whatever they want’. HA!
I could keep writing and writing and writing. Oh, it’s been a long two weeks.
Three sleeps Kellie, three.
So yeah sometimes kids are just assholes.
p.s if you ask me tomorrow I’d probably tell that the sun shines out of their arses.
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