It’s amazing what a bit of sleep can do for you. I feel like a new woman now that we have a solid routine, a strict one that I’m abiding too because as selfish as it might sound to some I’m reeking the benefits. There have been slip-ups of course but my kids have all slept in their own bed for naps and throughout the night. I won’t lie, I miss the cuddles something terrible but at 32 weeks pregnant I need the rest. Putting Kadie into her own room has been one of the best decisions we’ve made as a family in a long time.
Yesterday it hit me like a tonne of bricks that next month I will have FOUR kids, and I got very emotional, again. I wondered how I would cope on my own when Joe goes back to work. I wondered if family and friends would still be willing to help out in those crucial first weeks. I wondered if I made the right decision to reject an induction in six weeks time. I wondered if I would make it to the hospital on time. I wondered if Kadie would continue to sleep or feel put out. I wondered if Kayla would be as smitten and helpful as she was when Kadie arrived. I wondered if Frankie would act up now that my time with him would be juggled and spread out amongst the kids, some days not as equal to the others. I wondered how we will manage money-wise. I wondered far into the future about college funds. Will we be able to put four through college if that’s what they choose to do? What would the school run be like? Will we ever get away on a sunny holiday? I also wondered if we’d fit four in a bath and would I manage bathing all four of them on my own if Joe happened to be working late. I know, I did alot of wondering.
And then I imagined what life would be like when all the really hard stuff is over. When the night feeds, nappies and teething were all done with.
We celebrated my mother in laws birthday the other day and as tired as I was, I enjoyed watching all the kids playing, running around and enjoying each others comapany. And then I observed my partner’s siblings and the bond they all have between them. If I’m correct my mother in law had six children in eight years so they are all incredibly close in age, and because of this they all get along really well. They all seem to share the same interests and hobbies, and they are always together.
I come from a small family, my mother, my brother and I (my father left while my mother was pregnant with my brother, and to cut a long story short he made a new life for himself and never returned). I was a very jealous sibling, my father was nowhere to be seen and this little monster was taking all my mams attention. There is seven years between us, I was spoilt rotten as a child, still am if I’m honest but I resented him for years. Thinking back I gave him an awful life. He was the golden boy, the good kid and I was the mischievous bugger, I was always in trouble, a bit like Frankie with Kayla’s mouth. We never really connected until he was eighteen when my mother let me bring him for his first legal drink. My local hotspot was doing two jager bombs for a tenner than night. I sent him home in a bad old way.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I never had a sibling of close age to sit and play with to have a bond, to build a strong friendship with from such a young age and I can only hope having three kids so close, in less than twenty-eight months that they will have what my partners siblings had.
The next few years are going to be tough. There will be constant food on my floor, the washing machine will never be empty (not that it is now), Joe will have to work every hour god sends to support us and I’ll be here pulling my hair out until that day they sit and play and become best of friends. The craziness, the tantrums and the tears will be all worth it when they show that unbreakable bond and their friendships blossom, won’t it?
Until then I’ll be here, sharing the realities of having three under three and a six-year-old going on sixteen, and the ups, downs and frowns with a bit of Guns N Roses ‘welcome to the jungle’ playing in the back round for my own sanity.