Nothing increases my blood pressure more than a visit to soft play, my stress levels literally go through the roof every single time. I don’t know why I do it to myself but we’ve lots of midterm days to fill and the big kid begged and begged and begged. Here’s 7 thing I hate about soft play:
3 and Under
Why oh why can’t parents keep their big kids out of the toddler section. It’s for UNDER THREE’S people.
‘That includes you, Kayla’
Only food purchased at the soft play can be eaten at the soft play. One beaker. Two beakers. Three beakers. Four. Dare they ask me to put my ‘water’ away.
No, but seriously the food at soft play is atrocious. Frozen chips and nuggets. Microwaved pizza. Crisps, sweets, crap. How much harm would it be to actually get some proper food in? A soft play with good food would be a gold mine.
It’s yuck. It’s muck. It’s over priced. It’s absolutely disgusting. We’ve paid good money the least they could do is serve us a decent cuppa.
‘Mammy. Mammy. Mam. Mam. Maaaaaaammee. Look! Look! Look!’.
‘He’s hitting me’.
‘She won’t let me play.’
It hurts my ears.
We pay an arm and a leg to get in to be met by coin operated machines. Only a ‘eurah’ she says and begs. I refuse point-blank to give in.
This time, she won’t break me.
I’ve got this.
Kid leaves with not one but TWO Disney Princess tattoos.
Other People’s Kids
You know when THAT kid awkwardly loiters around your table eyeing up your foods, phone or even your beaker and you’re sussing the room for their minder.
‘Frankie please leave the lady alone and go play’.
Oh, and when someone else’s kid is poking or throwing balls at your kids. WHERE IS YOUR MAM OR DAD? Argggh!!
Just like a hospital, soft play has it’s own smell. A mix of germs, dirty bums and horrible food. Have you ever checked your sock before leaving too? Bleh! Oh and I dunno if it’s just my toddler but they always manage to have a pooh. Like always. Do they actually just shit themselves in excitement? Did I mention snotty noses? More Bleh.
So they’ve spent the past hour fighting, sulking and sweating, now that it’s home time and they start whingeing followed by screams, then tears.
World’s worst mammy EVER!
Can you tell I really hate soft play? And I went back again but with four kids this time…