1. When you wake up with a foot in your mouth or a finger up you nose.
2. You buy an extra pack of baby wipes to clean up random spills, finger prints and your entire bathroom.
3. A twenty minute shower with a locked door feels like a day at the spa.
4. You have an audience whilst showering, shouting the most awkward of questions.
5. You often finish up showering with only one leg shaved and have you have a frequent presence of unwashed conditioner in your hair.
6. You can’t see the floor of your car.
7. Tasks are vocalised in a sing song way.
8. Your out in public and that annoying piercing wail is actually coming from your kid.
9. You re-define “sleeping-in” to any time past 6.30am.
10. Showering is a major accomplishment.
11. ‘Me-time’ is when daddy takes the kids so you can clean the bathroom.
12. An early night is going to bed the same time as your kids.
13. You have reheated your tea/coffee in the microwave for the 100th time.
14. Your kids see you naked more than your other-half.
15. Going to do the weekly shopping is like taking a holiday.
16. You forgot to put the wheelie bin out AGAIN.
17. You wake up with extra people in the bed.
18. You cry at most baby adverts.
19. You have a love/hate relationship with Peppa.
20. You carry lollipops and raisin ‘just in case’.
21. You stick a soother in your mouth to ‘clean’ it.
22. You make a coddle or a stew on cold days and it lasts a week.
23. You will never be able to sort, process or print all the photo’s you have taken.
24. You’ve been washing the same load of laundry for the third day in a row because you keep forgetting to dry them.
25. You do more in five minutes than most people do all day.
26. You can do almost anything with one hand.
27. You hate matching socks.
28. You use Instagram filters to hide stains and dirty faces.
29. You forget the names and ages of your kids.
30. 7up cures everything.
31. Your kisses having magical healing powers.
32. Your mood depends on how long your kids napped for.
33. You consider time on Facebook as spending time with your friends.
34. You mop the floor, you know the kids are guaranteed to spill something.
35. Your home is covered in valuable pieces of artwork that didn’t cost you a thing.
36. You get poop on your hands and you don’t even flinch.
37. Everything you do is an adventure.
38. A glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit.
39. Your kids use your smartphone more than you do.
40. There is nothing more excruciating than standing on Lego or a kinder surprise toy.
41. You no longer laugh at the parents of hurricane hell raising children on Channel 4.
42. You will spend most of your days with a howling resident on the bottom step of your stairs.
43. Putting a bra on means someone is coming over.
44. Counting to three will be your most commonly used phrase.
45. There is a finger in your ears, nose or mouth and it’s not yours.
46. You prefer cuddling and kids movies to hitting pubs and clubs.
47. You have discovered the miracle of YouTube Kinder Surprise videos.
48. You do more in seven minutes than most people do all day.
49. Picking up a baby and sniffing their butt is not only normal, it’s necessary.
50. You don’t speak with adults but S-P-E-L-L.
51. You have convinced your kids that hovering is a game.
52. Receiving hand-me-downs is like winning the lottery.
53. Instead of running from projectile vomit, you run towards it.
54. You save lives on a daily basis.

Anything else to add? Let me know in the comments!


13 Comments on You Know You’re A Mammy When…

  1. All of this!! Especially number 29… I called mine Jack the other day, he’s Joshua?? I don’t even know a Jack! x

  2. Ha ha ha, so true!! I especially love this one… A twenty minute shower with a locked door feels like a day at the spa! xx

  3. So very true, I do think every parent reading your list nods energetically in agreement. I can especially relate to the weekly shop being my me-time, my one and only, lol!xx

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