When I had my baby I held him every second I possibly could. I skipped dinner so he could stay flaked across my chest. I ignored the postman and visitors knocking on the door because he looked too comfortable to be disturbed. I cancelled nights out as I preferred to watch him sleep. And I dreaded visiting friends and family because they robbed my cuddles.

‘What are you gonna do?’.

‘He’s spoilt’.

‘He’s too attached’.

‘He’s not going to know what’s happened when the new baby arrives’.

It’s all bullshit! He’s only fifteen months old. He’s still a baby.


I didn’t have much of a maternity leave on my first, I chose to return to work after a few weeks because a job opportunity came up that I couldn’t refuse. So I missed a lot of my first borns milestones. Thinking back I regret most part of it, but I wasn’t long out of my teens and enjoyed the weekend lifestyle because I lived at home with my parents who could babysit every single night.

He’s spoilt. He’s too attached. He’s not going to know what’s happened when the new baby comes.

When I became a stay at home mammy a few years later after having Frankie we couldn’t afford childcare on my basic hairdressing wage. My priorities changed, I was at home with two kids and a tight budget. Obviously, we don’t need a childminder so my kids come almost everywhere with me.

Kayla doesn’t care less who she’s with, once they fill her with treats and she gets to play. I have spent the past five years sharing her. From home to home. A night here, night there. Co-parenting is tough – mentally, physically and emotionally but she adjusted to her new lifestyle just fine.

Frankie on the other hand frets, panics, and sobs uncontrollably if I leave him. It’s heartbreaking. He doesn’t ‘settle’ after a few minutes like the books say. He continues to watch the door until I return.

He is attached to his mammy. But he doesn’t hang out if me, pull out of me or sit on my lip all day. He does quite the opposite. Sometimes he completely ignores that I’m around. I can go about my day in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, doing the day-to-day stuff. He really enjoys doing his own thing playing with his Kayla’s toys. He just likes to know I’m there. He will follow me the odd day, when he’s teething for example or if he has a head cold. I don’t hold him, carry him, cuddle him 24/7 like everyone thinks unless he’s unwell.


I might be a tad over responsive to his cries, I run to his aid at a whimper. But why shouldn’t I? He is a baby, if he’s upset I’m going to comfort him. If I had it my way we would co-sleep, but he hates it and loves his cot. Although he adores his cuddles first thing in the morning, maybe more so with teddy than me. I invest in our relationship with everything we do together, I enjoy every moment we have and I love that he needs me.

He’s not spoilt. He may be attached but rather that, than a kid who shows no affection, love and doesn’t enjoy a cuddle at story time just before bed. I’m not sure why I’m even trying to justify my actions to people who don’t understand. Yes, it can be overwhelming at times but you know what someday I will miss this. I’ll hold him, breathe him and keep him close. He won’t be a baby for long.

37 Comments on He’s spoilt. He’s too attached. He’s not going to know what’s happened when the new baby arrives.

  1. Exactly! When A was 6 weeks old someone told me I was over protective of him because I would go to him when he cried and wouldn’t let people I barely knew take him off for the day – ridiculous! Aidan is the same with liking to know I am close by even though when I am he shows no interest in me – maybe it’s a boy thing. All too soon he won’t care where I am so I am definitely making the most of now x

  2. Ah he will be love having a little sister/friend. Will be a bit of an adjustment at first getting used to a new little person in the house but young kids like Frankie are so good at blending in new situations. They will be best friends once she starts sitting up and can smile, he’ll get a great buzz from her 🙂 x

  3. In years to come when you look at at their blossoming friendship you will smile as you remember. There is a year and a half between my younger brother and i. He and I have been soulmates all our lives.
    All will work out beautifully.

  4. Lucky Baba sounds like he has it all figured out – as does Mama 🙂 I get it a lot with E, “Oh you’ll spoil him, let him cry, he’ll learn to settle down” – he is my baby not a fecking recipe that will turn to mess if tended to too much! There may be some ups and downs, especially if little sister takes a shine to his toys, but it’s going to be great.

  5. I love reading your posts. As an irish ‘girl’ living in the UK, I love the sense of humour that shines through in your writing.

    I have two boys and the youngest J’s definitely way more attached than my first. As I type this at 4am, he is lying in my arms until he gets back to sleep and I can put him in his bed. I am going to cuddle him as much as I can because they grow up soooooo fast x

  6. You’re raising a happy and confident wee man there Kellie. I did exactly the same with mine and they never batted an eyelid when a new baby came along. I reckon they felt so secure they knew, just knew, their place with me was guaranteed.

    • Ah Helen, you’ve a way with your words. I’ll stock up on his favourite carrot puffs just incase but I don’t think there’ll be any issues. He’s rubbing, hugging and kissing my bump. And we’ve introduced her name already so he’s already aware of her. It’s cute really. He’ll be grand, I’ll still be there, more than ever now.

      • That’s it. And wait til you see, he’ll do great. And in the meantime keep doing what you’re doing. It’s all good.

  7. Great post Kelly! I agree wholeheartedly. Love those snuggles. I feel sorry for the people who say things like that – they’ve no idea what they’re missing out on x

  8. Love this post Kellie, we have very similar styles of parenting. The number of times over the years I was told to let them cry or that I was spoiling them……since when he’s holding your baby spoiling them, it drives me insane!!

  9. I hear ya!! I refused to let my child CIO, I let him co-sleep and I picked him up every time he cried and he’s now 3 years 4 months and a confident, happy, secure child who sleeps through the night! Don’t feel like you ever have to justify yourself to anyone, you’re a great mum! xx

  10. You are doing great Kellie and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!! I heard all of the same things and still do because Luke still comes in with us in the early morning hours most days but like you said one day they won;t do that and you will miss them so take it all in while you can xx

  11. You know what is right for you and your babies, sounds like you are doing an amazing job – they’re very lucky to have you as their mummy. Enjoy every single minute of them x

  12. My two only have 15 months between them, and the eldest was breastfed until 13 months. She didn’t become a good sleeper until about 12 months and we never left her to cry it out. So many people said that she was too used to having all my attention, all the time, & too attached & would not cope with the new baby. She loves her. From the first day, she has loved & accepted having a baby sister. I think people have it backwards, actually. Babies can’t be spoilt, and I think often the ones who were ‘attachment parented’ are very secure & confident. They know that if they need you, you will be there. If they are secure, they are LESS likely to be concerned about a new baby.

  13. Oh I agree, surely its better to have an attached loving child than the complete opposite. I am early into motherhood, but am also making this choice by showing her all the love I can. I mean, why the hell not?! And poo poo to all those people who think they have the right to cast their opinions so freely and negatively. Nobody needs that kinda grief. Enjoy your cuddles and closeness with all of your babas x


  14. As far as I can see, it can go either way when a new baby arrives, no matter what you do during the pregnancy. My first was quite attached but was with a childminder for the year before his brother was born. He ended up terribly jealous. When number three came along both his big brothers were besotted with him.
    Fingers crossed everything will work out for the best for you. Never mind what people say.

  15. The first person to say those words, ‘you’re asking for trouble if you don’t put him down’, was a nurse in hospital, the day after he was born! But I wasn’t going to let my newborn baby cry because he wanted a cuddle! He slept on us all the time, he co-slept with us for a time because he would not sleep without us. I was told by many that I’d have trouble with him if we continued but at about six months old, he decided he preferred his cot. He’s now almost three and is the least clingy, most independent child you could imagine! So I like to stick two fingers up to those who poked their noses in! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  16. If you’re happy and it’s working for you and your family then that’s all that matters. At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what you think is best / right as you’re the one that’s going to live with it. 🙂 #twinklytuesday

  17. We have the same parenting styles. I also prioritized my son over so many things. I dont think it is wrong and we have the right to choose how we raise our kids and its hard and the last thing that we need is some people telling us what we are doing is wrong. #twinklytuesday

  18. It just shows how secure he is that he can bob off and play when you are there. He knows if he needs anything you wil be there. He doesn’t have that same level of trust in other caregivers. Lovely post and thanking you to linking to #effitfriday. Sorry it took me so long to come over to comment!

  19. I think it’s lovely that your bubba likes to have you around. Better that than he not care one bit. You have to do what is right for your family and yourself and if it isn’t broken why worry about ‘fixing’ it to fit in with other people’s opinions! Sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job x

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