You Know You’re a Mammy When…
1. You buy an extra pack of baby wipes to clean up random spills, finger prints and your entire bathroom.
2. A twenty minute shower with a locked door feels like a day at the spa.
3. You have an audience whilst showering, shouting the most awkward of questions.
4. You often finish up showering with only one leg shaved and have you have a frequent presence of unwashed conditioner in your hair.
5. You can’t see the floor of your car.
6. You re-define “sleeping-in” to any time past 6.30am.
7. An early night is going to bed the same time as your children.
8. You have reheated your tea/coffee in the microwave for the 100th time.
9. Your kids see you naked more than your other-half.
10. Going to do the weekly shopping is like taking a vacation.
11. You forgot to put the wheelie bin out AGAIN.
12. You will never be able to sort, process or print all the photo’s you have taken.
13. You’ve been washing the same load of laundry for the third day in a row because you keep forgetting to dry them.
14. You can do almost anything with one hand.
15. You consider time on Facebook as spending time with your friends.
16. You mop the floor, you know the kids are guaranteed to spill something.
17. Your home is covered in valuable pieces of artwork that didn’t cost you a thing.
18. You get poop on your hands and you don’t even flinch.
19. Everything you do is an adventure.
20. Your kids use your smartphone more than you do.
21. There is nothing more excruciating than standing on Lego or a kinder surprise toy.
22. You no longer laugh at the parents of hurricane hell raising children on Channel 4.
23. You will spend most of your days with a howling resident on the bottom step of your stairs.
24. Counting to three will be your most commonly used phrase.
25. There is a finger in your ears, nose or mouth and it’s not yours.
26. You prefer cuddling and kids movies to hitting pubs and clubs.
27. You have discovered the miracle of YouTube Kinder Surprise videos.
28. Picking up a baby and sniffing their butt is not only normal, it’s necessary.
29. You don’t speak with adults but S-P-E-L-L.
30. You have convinced your kids that hovering is a game.
31. Receiving hand-me-downs is like winning the lottery.
32. You save lives on a daily basis.
and finally – Becoming a parent is a life-changing experience that never ceases to amaze and you wouldn’t change it for the world. But you might trade in a few hours for some me-time!
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