Introducing another guest blog and Irish Parenting Blogger, Ellen who writes El and Baby A. Ellen shares her ramblings as a first time mom and the occasional delicious recipes.
Today Ellen shares the reality of getting ready with her baby. It’s like a timeline of events in my own home.
5am: Tell eight month old it is not time to get up yet and get him back to sleep. Spend twenty minutes planning your outfit for today’s lunch date in your head before falling back to sleep.
7am: Be re-woken by baby who has decided it is in fact time for the day to begin.
7:30am: Trip over the last step of the stairs – it never moves yet you always manage to misjudge it.
7:45am: Feed the beast baby.
8:10am: Make morning tea; be distracted until it reaches four degrees.
8:30am: Get in the shower and wash hair – this is done in three ten minutes segments with regular trips to tend to the little bundles screams, demands and needs.
9:30am: Realise planned outfit is amongst the 27kg of laundry – panic- find a pre baby outfit and tuck all lumps and bumps into waistband. Perfect I was planning on only having water for lunch anyway!
10am: Accessories your outfit with some baby spit up draped over your left shoulder in the form of an abstract print. Pause.
10:10am: Change baby’s nappy. Oh and again because he only poops in clean nappies – expensive taste.
10:30: Feed baby breakfast. Use baby wipes to remove porridge from your hands/arms/ear.
10:55am: Continue. Realise matching socks are a novelty from a former life and be happy you have two clean socks at all.
11am: ‘Find’ baby’s missing toy – which may or may not have been underneath him/ in his other hand!
11:05am: Tie your fresh, clean hair into a perfected messy bun to avoid teasing your baby with your dangling locks. Said baby has the eyes of a sniper – spots your clean hair and tries to surgically remove it from your head using his drooled on, sticky claws hands.
11:20am: Put on one shoe and begin to search house for it’s match. After twenty-five minutes find the lost shoe in the gob of your teething offspring – where most things are found these days!
11:50am: Pick up toy thrown from highchair. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
12pm: Tweet about the stress of your morning #wheresmyshoe #mommyproblems
12:10pm: Nappy change – wee fountain disaster!
12:20pm: Dress baby in adorable outfit.
12:22pm: Poonami in adorable outfit. Re-dress baby in nearest available alternative – matching not necessary.
12:30pm: Keys… Keys… Keys…
1pm: Find keys in the seat of baby’s push along car.
1:15pm: Get everything and everyone in the car. En route.
1:25pm: Realise you’ve forgotten formula/wipes/nappies. Redirect route back home.
2pm: Finally reach lunch destination an hour late. Pat yourself on the back for making it there at all. Use all remaining energy not to nap at the restaurant while you wait for your water.
2:03pm: Make a mental note to never accept a lunch date again until baby reaches 16!
For more hilarious real-life stories check El and Baby A’s blog, Facebook or Twitter.