We all tell tales to our small for a multitude of reasons whether it’s to protect them, not knowing the answer, to avoid a meltdown or for the sake of our own sanity. If you think you have never told your child a lie, you’re a goddamn LIAR! Here is a list of the most common lies I have my kid and the ones our mammies and daddies have told us.
1. ‘If you keep picking your nose, it will fall off’
Disgusting habit, once they start, they can’t stop.
2. ‘Show me your tongue, if it’s black you are LYING!’
The trick? Only mammies and daddies can see it.
3. ‘We’re almost there’
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? ARE WE THERE YET!!
4. ‘I’m leaving without you’
You have to be willing to walk away and hid around a corner, trust me they WILL follow!
5. ‘We’ll come back another time’
The awkward moment you’re about to leave the park, zoo or toy shop.
6. ‘If you don’t clean up those toys, I will throw them out’
You will never throw them out but it works.
6. ‘If you go outside with wet hair, you’ll catch a cold’
I hated this as a child, I still do. Colds are caused by viruses, not from being out in the cold.
8. ‘Santa is watching you’
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake! The biggest lie we have told our kids.
9. ‘I’ll tell the Easter bunny, tooth fairy, fairies…’
Need I say more?
10. ‘If the wind changes, your face will stay like that’
We live in Ireland, the wind is always changing.
11. ‘Cracking your knuckles gives you arthritis’
This is actually a myth, a MYTH!
12. ‘If you swallow gum it will get stuck in your gut’
In fact, it will just take longer to digest.
13. ‘It’s bedtime’
It’s a half hour before bedtime and you trick them into an early night, no harm done.
14. ‘It doesn’t matter if you win or lose’
Of course, it does, win, win, WIN!!
15. ‘They’re all gone’
You really mean ‘I’m going to eat them when you are in bed!’.