When you have a child, regardless of your situation or your lifestyle, that child is your responsibility until they are 18. After that you can guide and promote your decisions but until then your make each and every decisions for your child. I needed my father emotionally, physically and mentally and he was a no-show through my childhood.
My father walked out on me the year I made my communion. He up and left while my mam was carrying his second child. He was up to his eyeballs in debt. Loans, a mortgage, a car on hire purchase which he sold before he left, my mother as guarantor on all. He left us with bread, butter and milk and around ten quid.
He left when I was six or seven, I really thought he had gone to heaven,
Until he phoned my mam one day, said he’d send money when he got pay.
Awhile after my brother was born, wow he screamed like a little horn,
That’s when I realized he was never coming back, money was coming, probably got the sack,
I’m fourteen now, I know what he is like, he thinks he’s great with his ten thousand sterling bike,
He owns a pub, no sorry a hotel but I think he can rot in hell.
By Kellie Washington
My father was not there to teach me to ride a bike. My father was not there to push me on a swing. My father was not there to tuck me in at night. My father was not there to watch my little brother grow up into the handsome young man he is today.
Definition of a DADDY
A daddy is someone who is always there, he treats you good, shows that he cares
He brings you out, shows you what the worlds about
I know now what the world is about, I should stand up and shout everything out
Not keep it blocked in my head, while I sit here thinking on my bed…
Everybody can be a father but not every one can be a DADDY.
By Kellie Washington
Children can be so mean, I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life. I was very fragile in my teenage years, naive and easily led. I look back at how I was bullied for not having a daddy. How cowards would push, trip, hit, threaten and name call. A majority of these people are now living on the scratcher while there now separated parents practically raise their children for them. I eventually starting telling people my father had died, nobody judged me then, if anything the mood would change to pity and apologies.
I was self destructing. I spent one school summer starving myself. I would go upstairs with my dinner and hide it in a bag in my wardrobe. I lived on two portions of tea and toast for three months, hiding my weight lose under baggy tracksuits and hoodies. I took up smoking and spent my days hanging around the local off-licence targeting people to buy drink for me and my friends.
For three years I attended the school counsellor, expressing my feelings, writing them down, learning how to cope. I’ve lost count the amount of times I cried myself to sleep. I lost a huge part of my childhood because of him and I will never be able to get that back. Ever.
I dread to think what kind of person I would be today without counselling. I started to read through some of the letters I wrote to myself and I was in a horrible place. No child should have to go through that. Thankfully I had great support from family and a very few close friends. I will never understand why a man or anyone could leave their child. Since having my own I can’t bare the thought of not being with them.
My mam after many years learnt to trust men again and met someone very special. He took on two very emotionally challenged children and never gave up until he was accepted as part of our family. He is the man I call dad today. He watched me graduate. He watched me grow into the woman I am today. He proudly calls me his daughter. He is my children’s Grandad. He is my hero and he will never leave me.
Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy.
*These poems are signed ‘Washington’ my birth surname, I did not want my son, nor did my brother want to carry the surname of a man who did not raise us. We both legally changed our surnames as a gift to our dad.